There's something to be said for the love of friends.
Yes. There is. But I'm sure you all know exactly what I mean, so I'm just going to leave it there. We've all had our experiences.
Truth is, though...
*sigh* I don't know. I don't feel like writing tonight. My best friend is somewhere out of town, it seems, a gazillion miles away, and he seems to have taken all my inspiration with him.
I'll just talk. How about that? Nothing deep.
In church today, I had a class taught by Sister King.
This was the first time I've actually met her, and I've always been kind of curious about her, because... well... she's my ex-boyfriend's step-mother. At the time that I first knew about her, though, she was my boyfriend's father's fiancé.
I became worried when I found out she was going to teach the lesson. I mean, here's a woman who's known me as her boyfriend's son's girlfriend... all the way through until I turned into her stepson's ex-girlfriend, who broke his heart to tiny pieces.
I didn't want her to dislike me.... as she started to teach, I realized that she is truly really cool, like, a ton, and I really really didn't want her to dislike me. The thing was.. I didn't know how much she knew.
There were two things she said where I cringed because I knew Alex had at least talked about me a little. Whether it was before or after the break-up, I didn't know. That's the part that bothered me so much. (Does she think I'm a horrible little witch? I wouldn't blame her if she did. I deserve that. But... I think she's so cool.)
The two things where this:
At the beginning of the class she asked for our names. When she came to me she said, "I know you're Maggie," and went on to the next person. All I did was smile and nod as my head was saying, "Oh crap."
The second was kinda the same. For some reason, that I can't remember now, part of the lesson required our ages. Again, she came to me, "I know Maggie's 17." Again - smile, nod, oooh man.
Now, name, age. Those are relatively easy things to come by. That's not a big deal, right? Well... it's just the fact that she knew mine and had no idea about the others, when really, I should have been just as unknown as them - except for the fact that I dated her step-son.
Gah...
Honestly, towards the end, I couldn't tell one way or the other, besides knowing my age and name, she gave no indication that she new anything else and treated me exactly as the other girls. There were no sideways glances, or soul-burning stares, or anything... gratefully.
She's just so cool. I don't want her to dislike me without even knowing me herself. I have a soft spot in my heart for teachers that I love.
Enough about that though.
Alex.
I've seen him around more often than usual because of circumstances. And it's annoying to work at avoiding him in every way.
I honestly wish I could just be his friend... but I have a feeling that would hurt him, or he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me, so I'm keeping my distance. The thing is, he's constantly confusing me with his posts on Facebook. =P
*sigh* I find myself missing him when he walks by ignoring me. Like... him. Not our relationship. Not our relationship at all. I even do that with my previous ex-boyfriend before Alex. Ammon... I miss him too. Again, not our relationship. Just the person.
That's the thing about dating that sucks. You like this friend - alot-alot, so you date them. Then somehow things fall apart even though you both really liked this person that you've agreed to have a relationship with.
Does it have something to do with the way you act? Because, obviously, you act differently as Boyfriend and Girlfriend than you do as friends.... So is it like, now that you act differently around this person, without realizing it, you both become these different people than you were to start out with, and in the end you realize that you don't like the person they've become?
Or
Instead of the person, is it the relationship itself?
....Other factors are involved as well, of course. My relationships ended BOTH because of cheating (well, kinda). I would throw in mental abuse somewhere in there, but that wasn't them. That's just me. *taps forehead*
I don't know. It just makes me wonder about "love".
You're gonna hate me, but I'm one of those people who doesn't believe in True Love.
I don't.
What I believe, is that somewhere there is a person out there that cares enough about you that the relationship you have deteriorates - just like all do - only extremely slowly. So slow, in fact, that you can still stand each other before you die.
Then after death, it won't matter anymore because you'll both be perfect beings...
Only then does a perfect-uncomplicated-not deteriorating relationship exist.
Call me pessimistic, but all I ask is for proof to be proven wrong.... In fact - I'm fishing for it.
Prove me wrong. Please, world. Just for once, prove me wrong.
....
I'm pathetic.
I know.
I just really want to kiss someone right now.
Yours truly,
Sore.
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